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In our last episode, John the Techie had just gone off to fetch Cook a PBR and a solution to complex problems, leaving Cook alone in his bunk with a live chicken.

Cook's phone rings.

Cook [looking at caller ID]: Cody Willard? The Fox financial news dude? [into phone] Hey.

Willard: Dude.

Cook: Dude. How's The Muddy Souls doing?

Willard: You know about my band?

Cook: I've got my finger on the pulse of the music industry. It beats in 4/4 time with a strong kick drum.

Willard: Well, my finger's right next to yours on that pulse. I was running through my DVR and saw your hair challenge with Jim Shearer, and I thought, this man needs another hair challenge.

Cook: With you? Dude. I'd be toast. You've got the Fabio flowing locks goin' on.

Willard: Not with me. You have to look at a bigger picture. Here you've got hundreds of people losing their lunches over whether you get your tresses shorn, and it's all a publicity stunt that doesn't amount to a hill of beans in the real world. I thought--

Cook: It's not news to me that I'm in the entertainment business. People pay for relief from their "real world."

Willard: I thought with the clarity of vision that made me a top hedge fund manager whose returns kicked butt, I thought "what happens if Dave Cook's hair really was vital to the fate of the world?" And that's when I came up with a hair challenge you can't refuse.

Cook: Dude. I'm not challenging Dave Grohl.

Willard: Dave Grohl? Pshaw. Dream big.

Cook: Adam Levine?

Willard: Bigger.

Cook: Not Mick Jagger. No way am I challenging Mick Jagger.

Willard. Man, you are not even in the right universe. You are not seeing the forest for the trees. You are blinded by the light, revved up like a deuce, another runner in the night. You are--

Cook: Okay, who?

Willard: Ben Bernanke.

Cook: The chairman of the Federal Reserve Board? But he's almost bald.

Willard: Insiders know that's a total pose to lend Ben gravitas. If he didn't shave his head every morning, he'd look like a Chia pet.

Cook: Giving the chair of the Fed a buzz cut would definitely get me into the Wall Street Journal's music column…

Willard: Number one newspaper circulation in the nation, baby! But you're still dreaming too small. "Winner gives loser a buzz cut" is penny ante stuff.

Cook: So?

Willard: Winner runs the Fed for six months. [pause] I'd help you.

Cook: I'd need to know whether our views on economic policy are compatible.

Willard: Dude, dude, dude. I chose you because you have a rep in the biz for being fiscally conservative. If there's anyone who'll restore the rule of law, stop distributing welfare to banks, and let the assholes who take stupid risks take their punishment in the markets, it's Dave Cook.

Cook: I'm also known for being socially liberal.

Willard: Dude. We're not talking about going after one of those bleeding-heart agencies like Health & Human Services. This is the Fed, baby!

Cook: And Bernanke would bet his job on a hair contest?

Willard: Indubitably. Easing interbank lending standards to Europe last week turned on a mustache. If Georgios Papandreou didn't farm some fine facial hairs, Greece would have been hung out to dry.

Cook: So if I agree to this, the fate of the global economy will rest on my shoulders.

Willard: Only if your hair gets that long, dude. Only if your hair gets that long.

TO BE CONTINUED.