A Tisket, A Tasket
Jul. 12th, 2010 08:25 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
eilonwyhasemuThe genesis of this vignette was a tweet in which Neal Tiemann mentioned hearing noises in the bushes outside his bedroom window and speculated that a monster might be hiding there.
Pest control: Truly Nolen, how may we help you?
Cook: You make house calls, right?
TN: That's how we do it. We don't ask you to bring the pests to us.
Cook: What pests do you control?
TN: Ants, roaches, termites, squirrels, and raccoons. There's an extra charge if the raccoon is rabid.
Cook: How about basilisks?
TN: Basements? Houses in Southern California don't have basements.
Cook: Basilisks?
TN: Bass fish? We don't handle aquatic problems, and anyway, I think those are barnacles.
Cook: BAS-i-lisks.
TN: Bass players? Personally, I find percussionists to be peskier.
Cook: My percussionist is a hologram. My bass player is stoic. My lead guitarist thinks there's a basilisk in the bushes outside his bedroom.
TN: A what?
Cook: A BAS-I-LISK. Head of a rooster, tail of a serpent. Smells like a weasel, leaves a deadly trail of venom. Heck, that sounds like the chorus to my next hit. Put some throbbing piano in the middle, guitar over there... where were we?
TN: What was your guitarist drinking?
Cook: Um. You want the whole list?
TN: It was a metaphorical question.
Cook: Oh good. I like metaphors. I use a lot of them. My lead guitarist uses more. The bottle of absinthe's looking a little low, but I figured my bro had been mixing it with the Dr. Pepper again. He calls them Peppersprays.
TN: What have you been drinking?
Cook: Water, mostly. I had to hit the gym at the crack of dawn. Dawn cracked pretty loudly. Or maybe that was my knees. Anyway, about this basilisk... could you please come and get it? The lawn service is going to be here any minute, and we need to get to the studio. My fans get restless if they don't hear progress on the new album.
TN: Sir, I have no idea how to control a basilisk.
Cook: I was thinking you'd catch it in a basket. A tisket, a tasket, a basilisk in a basket... didn't you sing that as a kid?
TN: No. Are you from Berkeley?
Cook: Blue Springs, Missouri.
TN: I don't know about Missouri, but in California, all the mythical creatures live in Berkeley. They like the damp weather there.
Cook: Alternatively, it could be a cockatrice. No one's gotten close enough to check it for wings.
TN: *sighs* Next, you'll be telling me it's a manticore.
Cook: Positively no. Manticores have human faces, lions' bodies, and bell-like voices. I knew one who sang back-up in a band in Tulsa. Hey, that'd be an interesting effect on the new album... and in a 23-second Yfrog video snippet, it'd confuse the hell out of the fans... they'd think I'd gotten a new kitty to be friends with Dublin.
TN: Have a nice day, sir.
Cook: Damn. I guess I'm going to have to send Monty with a basket, a net, a gas mask, and a mirror. Hey, Monty! Want to go hunting?
Subsequent events make it highly probable that Monty Anderson successfully caught the basilisk.
Pest control: Truly Nolen, how may we help you?
Cook: You make house calls, right?
TN: That's how we do it. We don't ask you to bring the pests to us.
Cook: What pests do you control?
TN: Ants, roaches, termites, squirrels, and raccoons. There's an extra charge if the raccoon is rabid.
Cook: How about basilisks?
TN: Basements? Houses in Southern California don't have basements.
Cook: Basilisks?
TN: Bass fish? We don't handle aquatic problems, and anyway, I think those are barnacles.
Cook: BAS-i-lisks.
TN: Bass players? Personally, I find percussionists to be peskier.
Cook: My percussionist is a hologram. My bass player is stoic. My lead guitarist thinks there's a basilisk in the bushes outside his bedroom.
TN: A what?
Cook: A BAS-I-LISK. Head of a rooster, tail of a serpent. Smells like a weasel, leaves a deadly trail of venom. Heck, that sounds like the chorus to my next hit. Put some throbbing piano in the middle, guitar over there... where were we?
TN: What was your guitarist drinking?
Cook: Um. You want the whole list?
TN: It was a metaphorical question.
Cook: Oh good. I like metaphors. I use a lot of them. My lead guitarist uses more. The bottle of absinthe's looking a little low, but I figured my bro had been mixing it with the Dr. Pepper again. He calls them Peppersprays.
TN: What have you been drinking?
Cook: Water, mostly. I had to hit the gym at the crack of dawn. Dawn cracked pretty loudly. Or maybe that was my knees. Anyway, about this basilisk... could you please come and get it? The lawn service is going to be here any minute, and we need to get to the studio. My fans get restless if they don't hear progress on the new album.
TN: Sir, I have no idea how to control a basilisk.
Cook: I was thinking you'd catch it in a basket. A tisket, a tasket, a basilisk in a basket... didn't you sing that as a kid?
TN: No. Are you from Berkeley?
Cook: Blue Springs, Missouri.
TN: I don't know about Missouri, but in California, all the mythical creatures live in Berkeley. They like the damp weather there.
Cook: Alternatively, it could be a cockatrice. No one's gotten close enough to check it for wings.
TN: *sighs* Next, you'll be telling me it's a manticore.
Cook: Positively no. Manticores have human faces, lions' bodies, and bell-like voices. I knew one who sang back-up in a band in Tulsa. Hey, that'd be an interesting effect on the new album... and in a 23-second Yfrog video snippet, it'd confuse the hell out of the fans... they'd think I'd gotten a new kitty to be friends with Dublin.
TN: Have a nice day, sir.
Cook: Damn. I guess I'm going to have to send Monty with a basket, a net, a gas mask, and a mirror. Hey, Monty! Want to go hunting?
Subsequent events make it highly probable that Monty Anderson successfully caught the basilisk.
