Dog Coffee
Nov. 22nd, 2011 10:23 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
eilonwyhasemuAt a breakfast joint somewhere in the Midwest, Cook has just enjoyed a tall stack of blueberry pancakes with sides of hash browns, bacon, sausage, biscuits, scrambled eggs, and six increasingly distressed texts from his trainer. He is now watching his new lighting tech John -- a tidy young man in jeans, an MWK t-shirt, and a David Cook hoodie -- tap away at a MacBook.
John: Looks like we've got a dachshund here for you.
Cook: Excellent! This project of rescuing one dog for each letter of the alphabet is going better than I'd hoped. We've got the beagle, the c0cker spaniel, the dachshund--
John: What did you decide to name the c0cker spaniel?
Cook: Well, here's the deal. Dublin's a Scottish terrier with an Irish name, so I figure all the other dogs would be jealous if I didn't name them the same way. So if a spaniel is Spanish--
John: You'd give him a French name. Like Jacques.
Cook: I was thinking more like Pierre.
John: I like Jacques. It says "athletic."
Cook: I like Pierre. It says, like when the dog lifts its leg, like pee-air.
John: Dude. [They exchange high fives.] Another thing. Does "c0cker spaniel" go under C or S?
Cook: Well…
John: 'Cause if it goes under C, that rules out getting a corgi.
Cook: So, S, I guess.
John: That'd rule out getting a sh*tzu.
Cook: Sh*tzu?
John; Sh*tzu.
Cook: No sh*tzu.
John: No sh*tzu.
Cook: We need a sh*tzu. Then for A, we need an A$$huli, and for F--
John: There's no such dog as an A$$huli.
Cook: I know. [pause] There really is a sh*tzu?
John: No sh*t. There's also a bichon frise.
Cook: Dude. So I when I go to pick up the dog, I can tell people I'm busy getting my sh*tzu together.
John: Yeah.
Cook: And I can introduce him as my piece of sh*tzu--
John: That might be hard on the dog's self-esteem.
Cook: How are we keeping the yard clean, again?
John: Volunteer rotation of Los Angeles-area Little League teams. If we run out, there's still youth soccer, Boy Scouts, Girl Scouts--
Cook: Don't involve the Girl Scouts. They're part of the Illuminati. Everybody knows the Illuminati are on Universal's payroll.
John: No Girl Scouts. Check. One thing I'm still a little unclear on, though. How are your neighbors taking all this?
Cook: Dude. They're the ones who kept blasting from their patio "Who Let the Dogs Out."
TO BE CONTINUED.
John: Looks like we've got a dachshund here for you.
Cook: Excellent! This project of rescuing one dog for each letter of the alphabet is going better than I'd hoped. We've got the beagle, the c0cker spaniel, the dachshund--
John: What did you decide to name the c0cker spaniel?
Cook: Well, here's the deal. Dublin's a Scottish terrier with an Irish name, so I figure all the other dogs would be jealous if I didn't name them the same way. So if a spaniel is Spanish--
John: You'd give him a French name. Like Jacques.
Cook: I was thinking more like Pierre.
John: I like Jacques. It says "athletic."
Cook: I like Pierre. It says, like when the dog lifts its leg, like pee-air.
John: Dude. [They exchange high fives.] Another thing. Does "c0cker spaniel" go under C or S?
Cook: Well…
John: 'Cause if it goes under C, that rules out getting a corgi.
Cook: So, S, I guess.
John: That'd rule out getting a sh*tzu.
Cook: Sh*tzu?
John; Sh*tzu.
Cook: No sh*tzu.
John: No sh*tzu.
Cook: We need a sh*tzu. Then for A, we need an A$$huli, and for F--
John: There's no such dog as an A$$huli.
Cook: I know. [pause] There really is a sh*tzu?
John: No sh*t. There's also a bichon frise.
Cook: Dude. So I when I go to pick up the dog, I can tell people I'm busy getting my sh*tzu together.
John: Yeah.
Cook: And I can introduce him as my piece of sh*tzu--
John: That might be hard on the dog's self-esteem.
Cook: How are we keeping the yard clean, again?
John: Volunteer rotation of Los Angeles-area Little League teams. If we run out, there's still youth soccer, Boy Scouts, Girl Scouts--
Cook: Don't involve the Girl Scouts. They're part of the Illuminati. Everybody knows the Illuminati are on Universal's payroll.
John: No Girl Scouts. Check. One thing I'm still a little unclear on, though. How are your neighbors taking all this?
Cook: Dude. They're the ones who kept blasting from their patio "Who Let the Dogs Out."
TO BE CONTINUED.
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no subject
Date: 2011-11-22 07:03 pm (UTC)