All My Little Plans and Schemes

Previously, David Cook, Lee DeWyze, Adam Lambert, Ke$ha, and the Followills' neglected Rock Cred discovered the origins of a classic work of literature... and everybody except the Rock Cred got a nasty surprise about the nature of the three Cook alter-egos that had been chasing them through the sixth circle of hell.

The stair disgorges them into an alley between two tall buildings on what must be the seventh circle of hell. Ahead of them is a bridge over a canal of fire and blood.

Cook: At least we've escaped my alter-egos.

Lambert: And without any heart-ripping-out. High five?

DeWyze: If we've escaped them, what's that over there? [He points down a sidestreet, where a slash of pink plaid can be seen approaching.]

FRC: That's what I was trying to tell you. From the sixth level down, it's all one city. The alter egos can follow us wherever they want.

Cook: Run!

DeWyze: Is it time yet to switch from tactics to strategy?

As their feet hit the bridge, a giant naked figure dripping blood and fire rears out of the canal, roaring.

Giant Naked Figure: Fuuuuuuuuuuucking Charlie Sheen! You admire him!

Lambert [panting as he runs]: Not really.

GNF: Haaaaaaaaters! I messed up a bitch! I'm f*cking sick of answering questions about it!

Ke$ha [dodging gout of bloody fire]: Chris Brown?

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